• The Department of Undead Relations

      By Sherronda J. Brown

      Illustration by Wesley Allsbrook

      An Excerpt from [REDACTED] CORPORATION’S EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK. Distributed March, 2066. 

      Occupational Safety: Working Alongside Reanimated Colleagues 

      INTRODUCTION

      Welcome to the new-and-improved [REDACTED]! If you are a new employee, we are excited to begin this relationship with you. Existing employees, we look forward to building upon our existing relationship with you and working together to forge a new era of [REDACTED]. This handbook will serve as the guide for said relationship. 

      As the largest employer across seven Southern states, [REDACTED] considers our employees to be our most valuable resource, and we are dedicated to providing a safe and productive work environment for all. 

      To foster positive experiences for and relationships between the employees and the employer, we are committed to effective human – as well as undead – relations in the workplace. Just as the Department of Human Resources implements strategies focused on actively advancing and improving our company’s human workforce, the Department of Undead Relations puts its efforts toward maintaining the company’s undead workforce. Together, these two indispensable departments will work to improve [REDACTED] as a whole.

      A brief disclaimer: This handbook cannot anticipate every possible situation employees may face or answer every question employees may have about the matters discussed in this document. If you have concerns that are not addressed in this handbook, you are encouraged to reach out to your direct supervisor, our Department of Human Resources or the Department of Undead Relations. 

      WORKING WITH THE (UN)DEAD

      As an Equal Opportunity Employer, [REDACTED] is proud to welcome undead workers to our team. 

      As one of the first workplaces to employ the undead, the integration of undead employees into the workforce presents us with both unique challenges and opportunities. This handbook outlines the policies, procedures and protocols for ensuring a safe and productive work environment for all employees – undead or otherwise.

      It is important to note that you may recognize some of the undead workers as your former colleagues and neighbors. We urge you not to attempt to communicate with them, as they will not recognize you in return. Remember, they are no longer the people you once knew.

      It is also against [REDACTED] policy to disclose their undead status to a third party, as it constitutes a violation of employee health information. 

      I. Understanding Our Reanimated Colleagues

      Cognitive Function

      The undead, while capable of performing some acts of manual labor, possess severely limited cognitive function compared to human employees. They are primarily driven by instinct and, therefore, will not be successful in their roles if given complex instructions. Therefore, they should not be trusted with problem-solving or project leadership. 

      Physical Limitations and Abilities

      Undead workers have reduced motor skills, limited range of motion, and an unnatural, lumbering gait. However, they possess heightened strength, do not tire easily and can work significantly longer hours than humans. This makes them naturally good laborers and the ideal additions to the continued expansion of the [REDACTED] family. 

      Decomposition

      Keep in mind that their flesh is decaying. Although this decomposition occurs at a significantly slower rate thanks to the innovative reanimation process pioneered by our Department of Undead Relations, their physical condition is likely to fluctuate. If an undead worker loses eyes, limbs or any other body parts, report it to your supervisor immediately. See “Incident Reporting” below for more information. 

      Communication

      Verbal communication is generally ineffective with the undead. Instead, utilize visual gestures and cues. 

      II. Safety Protocols

      Designated Work Zones

      Most undead workers will be confined to designated work zones, which have been designed and adapted for their unique needs. Please make sure to adhere to boundaries and avoid entering restricted areas, which are all clearly marked with appropriate signage. Unauthorized employees entering the restricted area will be subject to termination.

      Protective Gear

      Though the hunger instinct is eliminated during the reanimation process, it is best to be cautious. Therefore, while our undead colleagues are generally harmless when interacting with humans, employees working directly with the undead are required to wear appropriate personal protective equipment (PPE), including:

      • Industrial-Strength Hearing Protection: To minimize the sounds of incessant shrieks, snarls and groans.
      • KN95 Masks and Camphor Ointment: To help combat the strong, unpleasant odor of rotting flesh and prevent excessive vomiting. 
      • Armor: To protect yourself against bites and scratches. Though no such incident has occurred on company grounds, we remain vigilant. 

      Hygiene and Cleanliness

      If there is ever any cause to directly interact with the undead workers (for example: some have been known to get stuck in small spaces and need to be rescued), be sure to thoroughly wash your hands and any exposed skin with hot water and the industrial-strength antibacterial soap provided in the bathrooms and eye wash stations for at least one minute.

      Housekeeping

      Custodial teams should be sure to clean the designated undead workspaces as often as possible, as putrefaction is an ongoing issue. Undead employees often ooze and leave behind slime, maggots, sloughing skinshedding hair, organs and/or limbs when in the advanced stages of decomposition. 

      Incident Reporting

      Any incidents involving the undead, including bites, scratches, unusual behavior or advanced decay—especially if it interrupts their work—must be reported immediately to your supervisor, who will then report to the Department of Undead Relations.

      It is each employee’s responsibility to report any work-related or on-the-job incidents regarding the undead to their superior immediately, regardless of how slight. Failing to do so, especially if it leads to the injury or death of an employee or the spread of contagion, will result in immediate termination. 

      Recording Devices 

      To maintain the security of our premises and the privacy of our employees, all employees are prohibited from photographing, filming, recording or any other form of documentation. Documenting the workplace and/or your undead colleagues with prohibited devices will result in the confiscation of the recordings and immediate termination. 

      III. Job Responsibilities & Task Assignment

      Suitable Tasks and Performance Expectations

      Undead workers are best suited for repetitive tasks that require minimal cognitive function. If undead workers are seen performing tasks that fall outside of what they have been instructed to perform, report this to a supervisor or manager immediately. 

      Examples of appropriate tasks for the undead include:

      • Assembly lines (that don’t require fine motor skills) 
      • Packaging 
      • Groundskeeping 
      • Inventory management 
      • Loading and unloading 

      Supervision

      Supervisors are responsible for providing clear and concise direction to undead workers by using visual aids and repetitive instruction, per the limited cognitive capacity of the undead. 

      Insubordination

      The undead should display an unyielding willingness to serve supervisors and other managerial staff, as this servitude instinct was installed during the reanimation process. If this instinct appears to be disrupted in any way, report it to the Department of Undead Relations immediately. Recalibration may be necessary. 

      IV. Company Resources

      The Department of Undead Relations and the Department of Human Resources are both available to answer questions or address concerns employees may have regarding working with undead colleagues.

      By adhering to these guidelines, we can ensure a safe, productive and respectful work environment for all employees. Remember that our collective success depends on understanding, compassion and a commitment to undead integration!

      V. Acknowledgment of Receipt and Understanding

      By signing this handbook, you are acknowledging that you have thoroughly read and understood its contents. You acknowledge your understanding that this handbook is a contract and that your signature makes it legally binding. 

      You also acknowledge your clear understanding that [REDACTED] reserves the right to amend, supplement or rescind any parts of this handbook as it deems appropriate. This handbook entry is subject to change based on company needs, emerging legislation and evolving undead behavior.

      Confidentiality 

      The information within this handbook constitutes confidential information that belongs to [REDACTED], and the company will take legal action against any employee who divulges trade secrets. Protecting company integrity and confidential information is of the utmost importance, therefore, any employee who shares confidential information will be immediately terminated. 

      By signing this handbook, you also acknowledge that you will not reside anywhere outside the bounds of the land owned by [REDACTED], and that your employment with [REDACTED] is not severed at your time of death and that your remains will be property of [REDACTED].

      Thank you for being a vital member of the [REDACTED] family. We look forward to a lifelong relationship with you. 

      Signature:  ____________________________

      Sherronda J. Brown is an essayist, editor, storyteller, award-winning author, and Southern-grown gothic nerd wholly enamored with and endlessly inspired by horror.